The best first message is short, specific to the person and ends with an easy question. Here is how to write one — plus examples you can adapt.
The simple method
- Find one detail in their profile (a photo, prompt, place or hobby).
- Add a light observation or opinion.
- Finish with an open question.
Example: “That view in your third photo is incredible — is that the Lake District? I’m always looking for a new hiking spot.”
Openers based on their profile
- “You mentioned you’re learning Spanish — what got you started?”
- “Okay, I need your ramen recommendation. Where’s the best bowl in town?”
- “Your dog looks like it has strong opinions. What’s its name?”
- “I see you ran a marathon. Was the finish line worth it?”
- “Best concert you’ve been to? I’m judging your answer against the band in photo two.”
Playful openers
- “Two truths and a lie — go.”
- “Pineapple on pizza: yes or no? Choose carefully.”
- “What’s your go-to karaoke song?”
- “Beach holiday or city break?”
- “What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done this year?”
Openers for serious daters and over 50s
- “Your profile mentions volunteering — what kind of work do you do?”
- “What does a perfect Sunday look like for you?”
- “I noticed we both love gardening. What are you growing this season?”
- “You mentioned travel — where’s the next trip?”
What to avoid
- Comments only about looks.
- Copy-pasted lines that ignore their profile.
- Long paragraphs in the first message.
- Asking for their number or social media straight away — and be wary of anyone who asks you to move off the app quickly (a classic scam sign).
From chat to date
After a few good exchanges, suggest something simple: “I’m enjoying this — want to continue over coffee this week?” Need ideas? See our first date ideas.
Frequently asked questions
How soon should I send the first message?
Within a day of matching is ideal; on Bumble you have a time limit.
Is “hey” a bad first message?
It is not rude, but it gives the other person nothing to reply to. A specific question works much better.